Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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