If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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