She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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