I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
