I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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