Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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