Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
