i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
