I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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