The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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