4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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