I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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