Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
