After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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