The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
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