ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize