had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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