I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize