Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
