im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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