I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
