you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
