You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
stop calling my apartment porn island.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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