im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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