so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
