i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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