The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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