Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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