we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
