You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
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playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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