She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
