paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
