I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
