I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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