Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
