Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
