It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I party with great urgency now.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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