tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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