take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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