I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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