he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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