He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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