I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
