dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I believe in your delicious
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
