Having a random hookup so left but love u
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
