Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
