I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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