You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
