Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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