your room smells of hookers.
And success
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
