he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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