Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
