Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
