Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
