New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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