these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
