new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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