I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
