Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
