Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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